Current mood:	okay
Current music:	None, my speakers aren't working. T_T

Hi. Yeah. One of those days.
Hi. It's nearly nine. Why aren't I in school? I don't know. It's just one of those days, I guess. I woke up feeling okay, pressed the alarm three or four times before I realized that it was already off, and stumbled into the shower.

Got up, got dressed, looked disgustingly 'goth' today...then I had a fit and broke down crying.

I feel sick now, Mom made me eat eggs for breakfast even though I wasn't hungry, and I just want to lie down and go to sleep, but I'm not allowed at the moment. Mental health days, as Mom calls them, are generally days for reflection and...well...mental health. I'll do some meditating or something later, drink water, 'pray'. Depends on how I feel.

In any case...I don't know what's the matter with me. Yesterday I was semi-sad, and then today it just kind of consumed me. I'll be better tomorrow, probably. I just wish I knew what spurred these stupid feelings of mine.

You know what sucks? How much I talk about myself. I hate that. I hate it when I have nothing better to say 'cause I'm a boring husk of a person, so I start talking about me. My journal is my exception, I guess. I'm allowed that, here, but in conversation, it's just irritating.

You know what else sucks? The fact that every day I can't go to school without getting into/witnessing a debate about religion. By now, most of you know where I stand on that subject. I believe in God. But I'm not a Christian, Catholic, Protestant, Jew, Muslim, or anything, for that matter. That may have been what set me off yesterday.

I am so immesurably sick of people telling me that I'm going to hell because I don't 'know God'. This is one thing I really hate about Texas. Bible-beaters, as April calls 'em. If there is a God (and we've established that I believe that there is) I would think that where we end up is more based on who we are as a person, not what we followed or how many hours we spent at church listening to someone preach words from a book written by men not God oh so many centuries ago.

No, I don't think I'm going to hell. I'm not even sure if I believe in such a place. But I don't think that's all that important. I wont worry about judgement. Believing in a religion because you're afraid of what will happen if you don't really isn't faith, is it? I wont force myself into that. I have faith. Just not in the same things a lot of other people do.

And damn, talking about religion in everyday conversation is just rude, don't you think? I mean, Mom said yesterday that she misses the fact that up in New England, people have real conversations. You know, about art, theatre, books, sports, even. Here, it's all about religion because they don't have anything else to talk about, and that's sad.

Once again, I hold the right to talk about this here because it is my journal and my means for personal expression. So I've expressed. And I feel a great deal better now that I have.